Megaman Zello
by Evil Nick Jr
Summary: Unfortunately, due to the lack of translation in the middle of the game and my lack of understanding of the Japanese language, I am forced to postpone this story until something happens. So....in the meantime....read the other two chapters!
1. Megaman Zero 1

CHAPTER ONE: Megaman Zero 1  
  
In the year 22XX....  
  
CIEL: I build a happy, pappy place, where humans can live in peace and happiness and stuff.  
  
HUMANS: Hooray!!  
  
NEO ARCADIA: Uh oh! We're running out of Energy Crystals! Quick, let's kill all the Reploids!  
  
REPLOIDS: Oh no! Run away!  
  
CIEL: Dammit! Now this place sucks!  
  
NEO ARCADIA: Well, why don't you leave and form a resistance group consisting entirely of Reploids, then?  
  
CIEL: Okay. (leaves and forms a resistance group consisting entirely of Reploids)  
  
NEO ARCADIA: Oh well. Let's kill 'em!  
  
NEO ARCADIAN ARMY: BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDY BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA  
  
RESISTANCE ARMY: Aaaaahhhhh!!! (dies)  
  
CIEL: Quick! We must find the body of Zero!  
  
MILAN: Here it is! Shit! It's protected! Augh! (dies)  
  
CIEL: Crap! Well, with this Cyber-Elf, I can awaken the body of Zero!  
  
PASSY: You suck. (dies)  
  
SOUND EFFECT: SHWOOOOOOM!!!!  
  
ZERO'S THEME: WahWhawawawawawaWahWahWhaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!  
  
CIEL: Zero? Help me....please....  
  
ZERO: Fine. But I'd better get some nookie later.  
  
CIEL: Okay!  
  
Z-BUSTER: Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!  
  
NEO ARCADIAN ARMY: Boom!Boom!Boom!Boom!S'PLODE!!!  
  
CIEL: Oh no! It's a dead end!  
  
FLOOR: Break!  
  
CIEL: AIIIIIiiiiieeeee.....  
  
ZERO: Grab!  
  
CIEL: Oh, Zero! Thank you!  
  
ZERO: *sniff* You smell like Cheez-Its.  
  
CIEL: Who cares? You saved my life!  
  
GOLEM: Grab!  
  
CIEL: AIIIIIiiiiieeeee.....  
  
ZERO: Hey! Leggo my Eggo!  
  
CIEL: Zero! No, run....you can't damage this thing with a buster!  
  
ZERO: Yes I can! Just not very much....  
  
MONITOR SCREEN: Zero! Take this!  
  
ZERO: Why?  
  
MONITOR SCREEN: 'Cause you can kill the boss in one hit with it!  
  
ZERO: Okay! *slash!*  
  
GOLEM: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!  
  
CIEL: Oh, Zero! Thank you! Again!  
  
ZERO: Why do you keep calling me Zero?  
  
CIEL: 'Cause it's your name!  
  
ZERO: Oh.  
  
CIEL: Anyway, there's this bad place called Neo Arcadia, and it's led by a bad robot dude named Megaman X!  
  
ZERO: Hey! He's not so bad! Once you know his hot spot....  
  
CIEL: No! He wants to kill all the Reploids!  
  
ZERO: Really? Hey! He wouldn't do that! That's OOC!!!  
  
CIEL: Who cares? Anyway, there's this "Retirement Center" we want you to destroy!  
  
ZERO: Really? What do you have against old people?  
  
CIEL: Look, just do the job!  
  
ZERO: Okay!  
  
AZTEC FALCON: Alright! It's Bob's ninetieth birthday and....hey! Who are you?  
  
ZERO: I cannot allow you to retire any more Reploids!  
  
AZTEC FALCON: Oh yeah? Just try and stop me!  
  
ZERO: Okay! *slash!*  
  
AZTEC FALCON: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!  
  
CIEL: Yay! You did it, Zero!  
  
RESISTANCE ARMY: Wow, you're so cool!  
  
BOB: Wow, you're so cool!  
  
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: We thrust ourselves upon you, Zero!  
  
ZERO: Yay! ^_^  
  
CIEL: Wait! You still have work to do!  
  
ZERO: Damn....  
  
MAHA GANESHARIFF: I have your data!  
  
ZERO: Give it back! *slash!*  
  
MAHA GANESHARIFF: Okay! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
ZERO: Hey! This data sucks!  
  
CERVEAU: Wow! You're cool! I'll make weapons for you!  
  
ZERO: Okay!  
  
ANUBIS NECROMANCESS III: I'm the King of Destruction! Or am I a queen? Augh! I can't decide!!  
  
ZERO: That's okay! Just say you're a transvestite! *slash!*  
  
ANUBIS NECROMANCESS III: Really? But I'm a....oh! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
BLIZZACK STAGROFF: Hah! I have prisoners! You'll never rescue 'em!  
  
ZERO: But I already did!  
  
BLIZZACK STAGROFF: Huh? But....I....uh....ack! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
ZERO: Okay! Where's my fan club! I want some nookie!  
  
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: Yay! ^_^  
  
CIEL: Oh no! A giant Mechaniloid is approaching our base!  
  
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: You suck.  
  
ZERO: I'll kill it! *slash!*  
  
GIANT MECHANILOID: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!  
  
CIEL: Oh, Zero! Thank you! Uh....again!  
  
ZERO: Goody. Can I have some nookie now?  
  
CIEL: No! You still have work to do!  
  
ZERO: You suck.  
  
HARPUIA: We're guardians of Master X! We hate you!  
  
ZERO: Oh yah? Well I really hate you! *poke!*  
  
HARPUIA: Ow....you suck....*plip!*  
  
FENIR: Wooooo! You're so hot! I'll kill you!  
  
ZERO: No. *poke!*  
  
FENIR: Ugh....I lost....but that felt strangely satisfying....*plip!*  
  
LEVIATHAN: Oh yeah! I am SO woman! You can't touch this!  
  
ZERO: Whatever. Die. *poke!*  
  
LEVIATHAN: Eeeeewwwww....you touched me....pervert....*plip!*  
  
SHADOW: I'll make your factory place blow up!  
  
ZERO: Huh? I never secured a factory!  
  
SHADOW: Yes you did. It's just now in this summary.  
  
ZERO: Whatever. *poke!*  
  
SHADOW: Ack! Ooh....I have been defeated and I must bid you adieu....but when I come back I shall defeat you!  
  
ZERO: Why are you rhyming?  
  
SHADOW: Déjà vu, like a bell chiming.  
  
ZERO: That doesn't make any sense! You're rhyming for no reason!  
  
SHADOW: Must be the stupidity season....*plip!*  
  
BOOM: BOOOOOM!!!  
  
CIEL: Oh no! The Neo Arcadian army is attacking our base!  
  
NEO ARCADIAN SOLDIER: Hey Zero! If you shoot that thing there, will it, like, BURN?! Heh heh....  
  
RESISTANCE: Boom Burn! EXPLODE!!  
  
ZERO: Ciel! You must escape now!  
  
CIEL: No! I was the one who created Neo Arcadia and cloned X! I hate myself!  
  
ZERO: Fine! I'll take care of it then....silly bitch....  
  
HANUMACHINE: Wow! We didn't have any Journey to the West references since the Wily Wars!  
  
ZERO: Cool! But you still die. *slash!*  
  
HANUMACHINE: Huh? Oh, crap. *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
CIEL: Oh, Zero! Thank you! Again! I think!  
  
ZERO: Goody. Can I have some nookie now?  
  
CIEL: No! You still have work to do!  
  
ZERO: What? Screw this! I'm sick and tired of doing work and not being able to screw my fan club! I'm gonna go to Neo Arcadia and destroy Copy X!  
  
CIEL: Okay! Have fun!  
  
HERCULIOUS ANCHORTUS: Freeze! You are trespassing on the sanctuary of Master X!  
  
ZERO: Outta my way. *slash!*  
  
HERCULIOUS ANCHORTUS: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!  
  
JELLY MONSTER: *spooge!*  
  
ZERO: You are too big to be a slug. Just get lost. *slash!*  
  
JELLY MONSTER: *SPLAT!*  
  
CIEL: Look Zero! You've reached the core!  
  
ALL THE BOSSES ZERO FOUGHT BEFORE: Hah! You have to fight us again!  
  
ZERO: Go away. I hate you. *slash!*  
  
ALL THE BOSSES ZERO FOUGHT BEFORE: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!  
  
FOUR GENERALS: Hah! You have to fight us again too!  
  
ZERO: Boobies! *poke!*  
  
HARPUIA: Ow! How could I lose? You'll never be my friend! *plip!*  
  
FENIR: Oh yeah! That felt great! I want more! I....wait....I can't move! Damn! *plip!*  
  
LEVIATHAN: Ack! You touched my private area! Asshole!..........do it again! *plip!*  
  
SHADOW: No! I lost! I'll take you down with me!  
  
ZERO: That's okay! I'll stay on the other side of the screen!  
  
SHADOW: What?! Ack--NOOOOOOOOOO!!! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
COPY X: Hi Zero! Isn't Neo Arcadia cool?  
  
ZERO: Kinda. It could use some furry schoolgirls, though.  
  
COPY X: Ha ha ha. You are so funny. Die.  
  
ZERO: No.  
  
COPY X: Damn. Oh well. SUPER ANGELIC TRANSFORMATION!!!  
  
Z-SABER: *slash!*  
  
BOOM: BOOM!  
  
COPY X: No....how could this be possible....I wanted to be a hero....  
  
ZERO: I just remembered something. He didn't suck as much as you did. That's what made him a hero.  
  
COPY X: I don't think I like you very much. *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
MEGAMAN X: Hi Zero! It's me, your bestest friend! Megaman X!  
  
ZERO: Hi X!  
  
MEGAMAN X: Let me rest for a while. I'm tired of killing stuff. Besides, you're more popular than me anyway.  
  
ZERO: Okay! Well, I'd better get back to killing stuff. *slash!slash!slash!*  
  
STUFF: Blarg! (dies)  
  
THE END!  
  
ZERO: I didn't get any nookie throughout that entire thing. This sucks.  
  
Coming soon: Chapter Two! A twisted summary of the events that take place in Megaman Zero 2! Be there! Or not.... 


	2. Megaman Zero 2

If you LOVED the first one, then you'll definitely HATE this one....  
  
CHAPTER TWO: Megaman Zero 2  
  
HARPURIA: Hey! I got a one-letter name change! Oh well. It's not like anyone will notice....  
  
In the year 22XX....  
  
It has been a year since Zero chose a different path from Ciel....  
  
ZERO: Really? You mean I've been walking for an entire year? This game sucks!  
  
NEO ARCADIAN ARMY: Nootzo! It bez be the running of the ZERO!  
  
ZERO: Oi, shit! Hey, wait a minute....I'm walking!  
  
NEO ARCADIAN ARMY: Who cares? We kill you!  
  
ZERO: No! I shall destroy you all!  
  
TRIPLE ROD: Poke!Poke!Poke!Poke!Poke!Poke! CRACK! *clink!* *clink!*  
  
ZERO: Shit! This isn't fun anymore....run away!  
  
ELECTRIC GOLEM: Hey kids! New and improved Golems! Now in three flavors!  
  
ZERO: No time. *slash!*  
  
ELECTRIC GOLEM: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!  
  
ZERO: Kill badguys! Kill!Kill!Kill!Kill!Kill.Kill.Kill.Kill.Kill....eh, I don't wanna kill anymore....*plop*  
  
AZTEC FALCON: SHWOOOOOM!!!  
  
HARPURIA: Oh boy! I love playing God! Heads, he lives. Tails, he dies!  
  
COIN: Flip!  
  
(Meanwhile, in a new Resistance Base not far away....)  
  
ELPIZO: Lookit me! I'm the new commander!  
  
RESISTANCE ARMY: Yay!!  
  
CIEL: Good for you. But promise me you won't make a massive attack on Neo Arcadia and go evil!  
  
ELPIZO: No.  
  
CIEL: Okay, whatever.  
  
GUY: Hey dude!  
  
CIEL: I'm not a dude.  
  
GUY: Whatever! We found Zero!  
  
CIEL: Really? Cool beans!  
  
RESISTANCE ARMY: ZELLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
CIEL: Welcome back, Zero!  
  
CERVEAU: Honestly, how could you wear out your weapons like that?  
  
ZERO: I'm just cool like that. Hey, who's the new guy?  
  
CIEL: His name's Elpizo. He's the new commander in charge of military tactics and stuff.  
  
ELPIZO: Hello! We're gonna destroy Neo Arcadia with something I call 'Operation Righteous Strike'! We'd appreciate your help, Zero!  
  
ZERO: What?! No way! I never got any nookie last time!  
  
ELPIZO: Fine. I'll let you make time with the blonde girl to my left!  
  
BLONDE GIRL: What?  
  
ZERO: Yay! Elpizo's cool! Unlike you, Ciel.  
  
CIEL: Phooey.  
  
(And after some much deserved nookie, Zero kills stuff!)  
  
HYLEG OUROBOCKLE: Lookit me! I have a slinky attack! Boing! Boing!  
  
ZERO: Lookit me! I have a saber attack! *slash!*  
  
HYLEG OUROBOCKLE: Aw, shucks. *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
POLER KAMRUS: Wooooo!! I'm really big 'n stuff! Smash! Smash!  
  
ZERO: I think Tundrus Snuffaluffagus would be a better name. *slash!*  
  
POLER KAMRUS: Waaah! You're so mean! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
PANTER FLAUCLAWS: Raaarrr!! I can electrify train cars!!  
  
ZERO: So? I can push you off of them! *push!*  
  
PANTER FLAUCLAWS: Hu--aaaaaAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
PHOENIX MAGNION: I can make you hallucinate!  
  
VILE: Hi.  
  
AGILE: Hello.  
  
BIT: Wassup?  
  
COLONEL: Spoon!  
  
ZERO: How can a robot hallucinate? For that matter, how can a robot bleed? Or breathe?  
  
PHOENIX MAGNION: Hey! Robots can't bleed! Wait a minute....can they?.... *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
ELPIZO: Yay! Now that Zero killed stuff, we can begin OPERATION....!  
  
CIEL: Wait! Won't lots of people die?  
  
ELPIZO: Well, duh!  
  
CERVEAU: If we develop a substitute energy, we won't need to kill people!  
  
ELPIZO: We can't do that!  
  
CERVEAU: Why not?  
  
ELPIZO: *sigh* Does anyone know what caused World War II?  
  
ZERO: No.  
  
CIEL: No.  
  
CERVEAU: No.  
  
BLONDE GIRL: No.  
  
ELPIZO. Yes. I mean....no! Ah, whatever. Open fire! Engage! Attack!!  
  
RESISTANCE ARMY: FREEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!  
  
NEO ARCADIAN ARMY: Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!  
  
RESISTANCE ARMY: Blarg! (dies)  
  
LEVIATHAN: Hey, look! It's Zero!  
  
FENIR: Zello! You make me so horny!  
  
LEVIATHAN: Oh, ick!!  
  
HARPURIA: Shaddup! Anyway, I'm the leader of Neo Arcadia now and I don't like you, so I'm dropping a bomb on your base! And it's not just any bomb, it's SPECIAL!  
  
ZERO: Hey! You got a one-letter name change!  
  
THREE GENERALS: ....................  
  
HARPURIA: Uh....Zero? The bomb?  
  
ZERO: Huh? Oh....right. Oh no! I must intercept it!  
  
CIEL: Zero! Lemme come with you!  
  
ZERO: No way! It's too dangerous!  
  
CIEL: (singsong voice) You'll get some milk and nookie when you're done....  
  
ZERO: Oh! Well since you put it THAT way....  
  
KUWAGUST ANCHUS: Hey! What happen?  
  
ZERO: Somebody set up us the bomb!  
  
KUWAGUST ANCHUS: Shut up! That joke sucks! You killed my brother!  
  
ZERO: No....I AM your brother!  
  
KUWAGUST ANCHUS: What?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
CIEL: Wow, really?  
  
ZERO: Not really. I just made that up. Hey, where's Elpizo?  
  
CIEL: He ran off. I think he said something about killing all the humans or something. Maybe you should follow him.  
  
ZERO: No way! I want some nookie!  
  
CIEL: No! Get to work!  
  
BLONDE GIRL: No way! I want some nookie!  
  
CIEL: Grrrrr....  
  
BURBLE HEKELOT: I can grrrrRRRROOOOWWWW!!!! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
ZERO: Kay....that was weird....  
  
FENIR: Yay! Zero came! Let's have fun together!  
  
ZERO: No way! You're freaky! *poke!*  
  
FENIR: Oh boy! I sucked! *plip!*  
  
HARPURIA: That Elpizo guy's weird. I don't like him very much.  
  
ZERO: Hey! Don't dis Elpizo! He gave me some nookie! *poke!*  
  
HARPURIA: Really? Eeeeewwwww..... *plip!*  
  
ZERO: Huh? No, wait! That's not what I meant!  
  
LEVIATHAN: Yay! Zero came! Let's have fun together!  
  
ZERO: Now THAT I can do! *poke!* ^_^  
  
LEVIATHAN: Yay! Oh wait, I lost. Damn! *plip!*  
  
MEGAMAN X: Hi Zero! It's me, your bestest friend! Megaman X!  
  
ZERO: Holy shit! Where'd you come from?  
  
MEGAMAN X: Don't you get it yet, you moron? Elpizo's trying to use the power of the Baby Elves to blow up my body and wake up the Dark Elf!  
  
ZERO: Really? Nobody told me that.  
  
MEGAMAN X: That's because you don't play Megaman games, nimwit.  
  
ZERO: Huh?  
  
MEGAMAN X: Never mind. Just go to Neo Arcadia and stop Elpizo!  
  
ZERO: Okay!  
  
JELLY MONSTER: *spooge!*  
  
ZERO: You are still too big to be a slug. *slash!*  
  
JELLY MONSTER: *SPLAT!*  
  
FENIR: Hey Zero! Let's play taxi! You can be the roadkill!  
  
ZERO: Go away. *poke!*  
  
FENIR: Noooo! My biggest Hot Wheels ever is destroyed! You'll pay for this! *plip!*  
  
LEVIATHAN: You know what? I don't really give a crap about Elpizo. Let's have some nookie!  
  
ZERO: Yay! ^_^  
  
LEVIATHAN: Ack, Zero! You're rough! Hee hee hee!  
  
(And so, Zero and Leviathan got married, had kids, and lived happily ever after. Well, not really)  
  
ZERO: Well, it's been fun, but I have to go save the world now.  
  
LEVIATHAN: Okay. Have fun! Come back soon, okay? ^_^  
  
HARPURIA: KILL ME ZERO!! KILL ME!!  
  
ZERO: Wow! Somebody's a masochist! *poke!*  
  
HARPURIA: NO!! I'M BEING POSSESSED BY THE BABY ELVES!! KI--uh....thanks....I think....  
  
CIEL: Look Zero! You've reached the core! Again!  
  
ALL THE BOSSES ZERO FOUGHT BEFORE: All hail Elpizo! Elpizo is cool!  
  
ZERO: Yah, well now he's a big poopie head! *slash!*  
  
ALL THE BOSSES ZERO FOUGHT BEFORE: *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
HERCULIOUS ANCHORTUS: Hey, pisanos! It's the Super Beetle Bros. Super Show!  
  
SUPER MARIO BROS. THEME: doot doot doot dootdoot DOOT doot  
  
HERCULIOUS ANCHORTUS: We're the Beetle Bros., and dashing's our game!  
  
KUWAGUST ANCHUS: We're not like the others who get all the fame!  
  
HERCULIOUS ANCHORTUS: If your stuff is in trouble, you can call us on the double!  
  
KUWAGUST ANCHUS: We're faster than the others! You'll get hooked on the brothers!  
  
BEETLE BROS.: UHHH!!!!!  
  
ZERO: You guys are gay. *slash!*  
  
BEETLE BROS.: I say-a hooked hooked hooked hooked hooked on the brothers! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*  
  
ELPIZO: Hi Zero! You're too late! I already got the power of the Dark Elf! Die!!  
  
ZERO: No. *slash!*  
  
ELPIZO: Uch....near death....Zero....I'm sorry....  
  
ZERO: Sorta too late for that, now is it?  
  
DARK ELF: SHWOOOOOM!!!!!  
  
ELPIZO: Wow! I'm a Cyber Elf for some reason! Cool! (flies away)  
  
DARK ELF: But you can be free! Free! Free as bird on a big TV.... (flies away)  
  
MEGAMAN X: Ya know, it wasn't always called the Dark Elf....  
  
ZERO: Who cares? I want some nookie!  
  
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: Hi Zero!  
  
ZERO: Wow! Looks like my fan club finally caught up to me!  
  
LEVIATHAN: Hey! What about me?  
  
ZERO: Of course! You can join in too! This is the best ending ever!  
  
LEVIATHAN: Yay!!!  
  
THIS STORY IS HAPPY END  
  
?????: Hey! That game ended much too quickly! Quick! Let's foreshadow Megaman Zero 3!!  
  
OMEGA: Okay! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Okay, that's it. Megaman Zero 3? Sure, if it ever comes out. And believe me, it will....  
  
By the way....did anybody catch the Arfenhouse reference? 


	3. Megaman Zero 3: Part One of Something

Well, hi! This is Megaman Zello 3, as I'm sure all of you actually reading this were hoping for. Unfortunately, before I get the story stated, I feel I must say a few things....  
  
First of all, this summary is based on the Japanese version of the game. As such, I'm forced to depend on unofficial translations in order to understand the story; so I must thank the Megaman Network website (megaman.retrofaction.com) for posting their little game script on their website and letting me mock the game properly! Yay!!  
  
Secondly, as I write this, I realize that this is going to be less of a summary and more of a detailed mock translation. As of now, the story is about as long as the first episode of Megaman Zello, so I might as well show you all what I got so far. Oh well, at least you're getting more Megaman Zello! Whee!  
  
Thirdly....um....this thing contains spoilers. But you probably already knew that....

And....that's pretty much it. Oh yeah, and it's recommended that you actually play the game before reading this, so you actually get some of the jokes =). Might I suggest importing it? Here's a shameless plug to get you to do just that....  
  
INSERT BREAK BETWEEN DISCLAIMER AND SHAMELESS PLUG HERE  
  
ZERO: Alight! I'm soooooo cool!!! Lookit me beat this game with one life on hard mode! Yay!!!  
  
CIEL: Hey Zero! You can stop playing that game now.  
  
ZERO: What?! Why the hell would I wanna stop playing Megaman Zero 2?! It's the best game ever!!  
  
CIEL: 'Cause Megaman Zero 3 just came out! See? Look!  
  
ZERO: Wow! This is soooooo cool!!! This is the best game ever! Hey, wait a minute! This game's in Japanese!! I can't read this!!  
  
CIEL: Who cares? It's CAPCOM's fault for making their games so damn cool!!  
  
ZERO: Yeah! You're right! SHAMELESS PLUGHey kids! Import CAPCOM games 'cause they're cool! Then buy 'em again when they come out in America!! CAPCOM games are cool! They R0XoR uR S0xOrZ!!!/SHAMELESS PLUG  
  
CIEL: SHAMELESS PLUGGive CAPCOM all your money! THEY ARE YOUR GODS!!!/SHAMELESS PLUG  
  
ZERO: Damn straight! Now how the hell do I jump....?  
  
INSERT BREAK BETWEEN SHAMELESS PLUG AND ACTUAL STORY HERE  
  
Alrighty then....now that Megaman Zero 3 has finally come out, I can finally give the fans (yes, all three of them) what they want! 

P.S. You'd better enjoy this....because it required some heavy duty editing on my part....  
  
CHAPTER THREE: Megaman Zero 3: The R0XORING of Omega!  
  
OMEGA: w0000000000t!!!  
  
In the year 22XX....  
  
CIEL: So....uh....hey Zero?  
  
ZERO: What? Can't you see I'm busy with my nookie here?  
  
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: Yay!!!  
  
LEVIATHAN: Yay!!!  
  
CIEL: Yeah....well I've come to tell you that....yeah....you have work to do.  
  
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: Awwwww....you suck....  
  
LEVIATHAN: Hey! That reminds me! I told the other guardians that I went out for milk and cookies! That was a year ago! Sorry Zero, gotta go now!!! plip!

ZERO: I really hate you, you know that?  
  
CIEL: Yeah, whatever. Just get your coat on!  
  
ZERO: But I don't need a coat! I'm a frickin' robot!!  
  
CIEL: Fine then! Put mine on!  
  
ZERO: grumble whatever, you lazy bitch....  
  
CIEL: What was that?  
  
ZERO: I said your butt had an itch.  
  
CIEL: Really? That's odd, I can't feel it.... scratch scratch  
  
And so Zero, Ciel, and two Resistance Soldiers go skiing!  
  
RESISTANCE SOLDIER: Actaully, we sorta just walk in the snow.  
  
Really? That sucks....  
  
CIEL: I want you three to behave now!  
  
ZERO: Whatever, you stupid bitch....  
  
CIEL: Stop making me scratch my butt! It has a rash! scratch scratch

RESISTANCE SOLDIER: So, what exactly are we out here for, anyway?  
  
CIEL: There's a mysterious energy reading coming from a giant sword thing in the middle of this endless snow backdrop! We're going there to make Zero kick lots of ass and stuff!  
  
ZERO: Jeez, you always make me do everything! Why can't you fight for your own freedom?  
  
CIEL: I dunno. Hey look, that's a neat looking sword!  
  
ZERO: Well, I guess this is my cue to kick ass. (He does)  
  
Z-SABER: slash!slash!slash!  
  
COUNTLESS ENEMY MECHANILOIDS: boom!boom!boom!boom!boom!s'plode!  
  
ZERO: Hey, my flexible handjob rod is missing from my inventory! Ah, whatever, I'm kicking enough ass with this spatula sword. Thanks for the new sprites, CAPCOM! You kick ass!  
  
CAPCOM: We sure do!  
  
ZERO: Wow, this is a cool looking sword! Just looking at it reminds me of the Dark Elf for some reason....  
  
HARPURIA: plip! Hey, what's up? You done borrowing Leviathan?  
  
ZERO: Holy shit!  
  
HARPUIRA: Yeah, I know. Hey, you better not go inside this sword thing. It's real dangerous, you know?  
  
ZERO: Um....you're talking to me here....  
  
HARPURIA: Oh yeah, you're right! ppht! I'm so silly! plip!  
  
CIEL ON HER HANDY DANDY CELL PHONE: Hey Zero! Did you get the milk and cookies yet?  
  
ZERO: Um, no....look, it's been two games and I'm running out of minutes for this thing....  
  
CIEL ON HER HANDY DANDY CELL PHONE: Holy crap! We're about to be yoinked!  
  
RESISTANCE SOLDIER: Curse these stupid guns that don't fire anything!  
  
RESISTANCE GUNS: make pretty sounds, but unfortunately, don't fire anything  
  
NEO ARCADIAN SOLDIERS: Yoink!  
  
ZERO: Well, that'll save on minutes at least. Let's kick some more ass!  
  
And so Zero goes inside the giant sword thingy. Meanwhile, a battle ensures.  
  
NEO ARCADIAN SOLDIERS: Dude....let's shoot at the wall....  
  
OMEGA: w0000000000t!!!  
  
NEO ARCADIAN SOLDIERS: Uh....boom!  
  
LEVIATHAN: Ah, crap! This boss is too hard for us AI-controlled drones! Fenir! Shoot him!  
  
FENIR: But....you're naked....  
  
LEVIATHAN: Yes! I'm perfectly aware of the fact that I forgot my clothes at Zero's house! Just shoot him!  
  
FENIR: Okay, fine....stupid whore....  
  
LEVIATHAN: What was that?  
  
FENIR: I said you forgot to lock the front door. See, look! Zero just came in!  
  
ZERO: Hey guys! What's u--HOLY POOPBUCKETS!!!  
  
OMEGA: w0000000000t!!!  
  
FENIR: Yeah....listen, we're gonna run away now. But you'll be fine! You'll kick his ass! Right, sexy little kitten? plip!  
  
LEVIATHAN: Don't let Fenir freak you out. He's just a lonely pervert. Speaking of which, I sorta need to get my clothes....plip!  
  
OMEGA: w0000000000t!!!  
  
ZERO: Yeah, whatever! I'm gonna eat your shit for breakfast! ....wait....that didn't come out right....  
  
And so, an epic battle between Zero and Omega begins. Only the battle isn't so epic, because Zero wins quite easily.  
  
OMEGA: plop! Ah, gR3a8, My HaNz f311 d0Wn an tH3y Kan'T G3t uP.  
  
ZERO: Say what now?  
  
OMEGA: rRRRRRRRGH!!!1 U sHa11 PAy 4 uR w00tN3sS!!!1  
  
HARPURIA: Zap!  
  
OMEGA: plop! rRRRRRRRGH!!!1 St00p1D P1St1C HaNz!!!1  
  
HARPURIA: plip! Hey, Zero! Let's beat this guy down and eat his shit for breakfast!  
  
Dr. WEIL: You shant be doing that, you naughty children!  
  
ZERO: Hey! Who are you?!  
  
Dr. WEIL: I am the almighty Dr. Weil! You shall be remembering me from the last summary, yes?  
  
HARPURIA: Um....no?  
  
ZERO: I don't think you appeared in the last summary....  
  
MEGAMAN X: Well, I almost mentioned it, but then you had to run off and get some nookie....  
  
ZERO: Ah, whatever....  
  
Dr. WEIL: Pah! Anyway, this dude just joined Neo Arcadia! So you better be nice to him!!  
  
HARPURIA: Bullshit! We kicked him out 100 years ago because he ate all the cookies! Why would he come back?!  
  
COPY X: plip! 'Cause he promised to bring a pizza!  
  
HARPURIA: What?! Master X? But how?!  
  
Dr. WEIL: I brought him back! So you better be nice to me!  
  
HARPURIA: sigh Fine....  
  
ZERO: Hey! You can't be Copy X!!  
  
COPY X: And just why not?!  
  
ZERO: 'Cause you have blue eyes!  
  
COPY X: Crap! I was hoping you wouldn't notice that! Oh well! Come! Let's make shit happen! plip!  
  
Dr. WEIL: Yahoo! He's the best! plip!  
  
HARPURIA: Aw, man. Sorry Zero, but daddy's forcing me to be mean.... plip!  
  
OMEGA: 3 sHa11 M33t AGa1N, cRapSt1cK3R!!! PLOP!!!  
  
ZERO: Well, this planet's certainly going down the shitter.... plip!  
  
INSERT BREAK BETWEEN ACTUAL STORY AND EVENTUAL DISSAPOINTMENT HERE  
  
And thus, the story comes to a close for now. But there will be more! I promise!  
  
ZERO: There better be, you stupid front door! I didn't ruin the game for myself for nothing, you know! Now how the hell do I jump....? 


	4. Megaman Zello 3 Preview

And NOW for something completely different....  
  
At the end of that second chapter, I promised a Megaman Zello 3. Didn't I? Yes, I think I did. Unfortunately, since Megaman Zero 3 hasn't necessarily been announced yet, there is no possible way I could make fun of its storyline (because, obviously, it has none).  
  
I CAN, however, show you what you can expect in Megaman ZELLO 3!  
  
EVERYBODY WHO'S READING THIS: YAY!!!  
  
So without further ado.... the MEGAMAN ZELLO 3 PREVIEW!  
  
SEE more of Capcom's lousy translation work!  
  
CAPCOM TRANSLATOR: Okay....this symbol looks like an X....X it is, then!!  
  
SEE Zero returning to Resistance Base!  
  
CIEL: Alright Zero, what's your excuse this time?  
  
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: We followed him home!!  
  
SEE Zero and Leviathan's developing relationship!  
  
LEVIATHAN: Oh Zero! I love you!!  
  
ZERO: I love me too. But there's something I must tell you....  
  
LEVIATHAN: What?  
  
ZERO: I've been cheating on you! With X!!  
  
LEVIATHAN: What?! How could you, Zero?!  
  
ZERO: It's true!! We even had a baby together!  
  
LEVIATHAN: Why that's....wait....what?  
  
AXL: Hi! I'm Axl!!  
  
SEE The Cyber-Elf Elpizo!  
  
ELPIZO: Wow! I never knew life as a Cyber-Elf could be so cool!  
  
ZERO: Grab!!  
  
NIFTY MESSAGE: You got Cyber-Elf Elpizo!  
  
ZERO: Cool! I wonder what it does....  
  
ELPIZO: Nooooo!!!!! (dies)  
  
AND FINALLY, find out who exactly Omega is!!  
  
ZERO: So you're the Omega I've been hearing so much about in Megaman Zero 2.  
  
OMEGA: That I am. Did you beat the game in Hard Mode? And see all the pretty pictures? Oooooh?  
  
ZERO: *sigh* Yes, I saw all the pretty pictures. Now prepare to be too big to be a slug.  
  
JELLY MONSTER: *SPLAT!*  
  
And that's it. Expect it when it's out. And it'll be out after I play and beat Megaman Zero 3, which isn't out yet. So in the meantime, do something else! 


End file.
